I loved living in my sorority house in college, but I certainly didn't realize how lucky I was until I graduated and had to move out on my own. One night, I was holstering on my (less than desirable) hands-free pumping bra (a must have for all you new moms) and it reminded me of a far less complicated time in my life: my sorority days. I know that sounds like an awkward correlation, so let me explain.
Back in the day, my sorority used to pass around a "Support Bra" during our chapter meetings to fellow sorority sisters who were working on something important and needed a little "support" from her sisters. If you were the proud recipient of the Support Bra, you had to sign your name on the frisbee-shaped GGG-sized cups and wear the bra over your dress for the rest of the chapter meeting. It was like marking your territory in the high school yearbook, but much, much funnier.
For the record, I think my inscription read something like, "JG - Phi Director, Fall 2001 - Surviving September 11 and the House Burning Down with 60 Phis." Not funny at the time, but, that's a whole other story...
I remember drifting off to a dream (not a daydream, because daydreams happen during the day, and I'm sure the only time I dreamt at this point in my life was at 3 a.m.) as I hooked myself up to my hospital-grade Medela pump. The hum of the pump's dual engines, powerful enough to charge a small fleet of cruise boats, sent my mind wandering to what it might be like to live back at in my sorority house. Except now, with newborn twins. And I tell you what...our national office should really consider it.
Tell me if you disagree, but I'm pretty sure these are reason enough to move back to my college digs with a pair of newborns:
1. Three hot meals a day that I wouldn't have to lift one finger to make. Hell yes. Oh, and for Mr. Troy to recognize I've been up all night and whip me up a peanut butter-crushed oreo-and-apple concoction that's a "cure all" to help me get myself together for the day ahead. This reason alone is enough for me to crawl back to West Jefferson and beg for a room.
2. A pink note in my mailbox that kindly reminds me that my bills are due. Please and thank you. This would have saved me from begging Comcast to not shut off my cable when I accidentally used my monthly bill as a bottle coaster for weeks on end and forgot to pay.
3. There was always someone awake. You could count on someone studying/coming home/hanging out in the TV room, at all hours. This would be amazing when I just wanted to get one hour of sleep. Or go to the gym. Or spend the weekend at the beach. It may have taken a bit of bribery (everybody has a price), but know I could have convinced someone to watch the girls for a bit. Would there be a slight credibility issue with some of these people? Sure. But I wasn't the most stand-up parent either, after a three-day binger of no sleep.
4. Chapter meetings to help remind me what it is I'm supposed to be doing each week, along with a wall calendar downstairs that detailed my daily activities. (And sometimes even a king-sized banner that hung on the front of the house to remind me of something *really* important.) Oh, and ending every chapter meeting with "5 Minutes of Positive" would have been refreshing. My shoutout would be something like, "Jessi - you breastfeed like a crazy mother ***! You are amazing and we love you! And don't worry, you'll have your pre-baby body back in no time!!"
5. And lastly, I would have liked a little pick-me-up each day, like a few friendly presents emblazoned with my name and/or monogram, waiting for me on the table in the foyer. A giant pomping mug or lap desk paint-penned in my favorite colors, or even a candy jar filled of my favorite snacks...gah. That could have really nipped those mommy blues right in the bud.
I didn't get past reason #5 because the timer on ol' Betty the Breast Pump went off, which meant I had a full 30 minutes to sleep before the feeding cycle started all. over. again...
Youth is wasted on the young, I tell ya.
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