Potty training (or at least a very noble attempt) is in full swing at our house and I'm quite certain that if having twin newborns didn't kill me, getting them to go on the potty will. When we started, I kept comparing it to being at the bottom of Stone Mountain and knowing it was going to take me 104,583 steps to get to the top in the hot Georgia sun. But, after some initial potty shenanigans a few weeks ago, I'm pretty sure it's more akin to being at the bottom of Mount Kilimanjaro in the freezing cold and climbing it naked only using your hands.
Here's a little snippet of my first whack at L&Ms "potty boot camp" from a few weeks ago:
- Woke up and put on big girl panties. Total score. L&M love Dora and Minnie, and wearing them on their bootie is apparently, totally boss. Throw in a teaser of the Dora stickers that can be earned for one's and two's in the potty, and we're full speed ahead. They're excited, I'm excited...you get it.
- Set my iPhone timer to go off every 15 minutes. This is when I planned to lead everyone to the potty like a drum major in the marching band. You laugh, but it's not easy to corral two kids into the bathroom when they'd rather [insert random activity here, i.e. ride the dog, color on the walls, eat popcorn from in between the couch cushions.] And plus, they love playing Marching Chiefs, so what the heck.
- Reminded myself of the only rule I'm following, which is to never take my eyeballs off of two said potty trainers. This is what the proclaimed "Potty Training Queen" says in her book 3 Day Potty Training. I'm not following the book exactly (at least, not yet) but I did take away some tips that sounded useful...and this seemed like a solid Golden Rule.
- Spent the next 15 minutes exhausting myself by asking potty trainers on repeat, "Are your panties dry? Do you need to potty?" And by the grace of God, L&M stayed dry for the first 15 minutes. I literally broke into a victory dance in the living room, getting the girls on the bandwagon of celebrating being dry. In fact, we may have even burst into a round of the Hallelujah Chorus. (In hindsight, this is probably where Satin himself heard my boisterous exclamations and decided to cancel the rest of his appointments for the day to intervene.)
- iPhone alarm rings for our first true test - the 15 minute potty break. L&M sat on the potty and I crouched on their potty stool, and we all stared at each other, waiting for the first tinkle. Then, in a random occurrence from hell, our dog scuttles in, gives us all a glance, and pees all over the bathroom floor. Apparently, he was feeling left out of the potty pomp and circumstance, and wanted to remind me that he's a big man on campus, too. @#$%&*!
- This is where I basically lose all known control of the situation. The girls panic and run out of the bathroom, and I make a dive for the kitchen to swipe some paper towels. At this moment (and it literally happened in a split second), everything has officially gone southbound. I had broken the Bishop of Potty's cardinal rule (thou shalt never taketh eyeballs of potty trainers), and I may as well stepped on a live grenade.
- In the time I was gone to the kitchen, both potty trainers evacuated the bathroom to the bedroom where they both peed on the carpet, and of course, all over their shorts, which they didn't have time to abandon from around their ankles. The dog was in disarray, (probably because I was screaming, "No pottying in the house! Bad boy! NO POTTYING IN THE HOUSE!") which led him to commit yet another crime of insanity. He went right into the bedroom where the girls were scurrying and did the deed. Yes, what you're thinking is correct. He pooped on the floor, thus scaring my children for life. Apparently, because of my laser-like focus on the girls all morning, I had forgotten to take the dog outside...argggggghhhhh.
So, for the rest of the day and those thereafter, the girls decided going on the potty was risky business. Laiten, who's been using the potty off and on since she was 18 months old, decided she was more content going in her pull-up. No harm, no foul. Maisen begged for a diaper ("I'm a baby, mommy, I don't care! Give me a diaperrrrr!") and decided the reward of a Dora sticker was no longer worth the valiant effort.
So, we took a week off while they went to Gigi and Pappy's in Atlanta, and started again yesterday with a new strategy. One's and two's in the potty get M&Ms. Simple and straightforward - if you pee or poo in the potty, you get an M&M. (Oh, and the dog goes in the crate for all potty breaks.) This ludicrous strategy has been met with only three human accidents (one accident was a "I can't get my shorts off fast enough" accident, so I probably shouldn't count that one) and zero doggy accidents all day. Of course, the downside is that Laiten is now doing all but walking across hot coals for an M&M, ripping her pull-up off at any opportunity to try and score one. And sweet Maisen, well...she's going to require a higher bounty. M&Ms are still not enough to will her to the potty. (I think she may be high-maintenance, although I'm not sure where she got that from.)
At this rate, I'll need to move to mini M&Ms by tomorrow to avoid pre-diabetes at two years old for Laiten, and stock up on extra fluoride toothpaste. I think I'll also run by the ATM to get a couple of 20 dollar bills...that may be more Maisen's speed.
Help a sister out. What are your tried and true potty pointers???
No comments:
Post a Comment